It was impossible to write everyday, because everyday has been so jam packed. What an incredible ride! We have today off, so I got up late (7 am), and went for a walk down through the field of flowers and the labyrinth and made my way down to the lake and back up again for breakfast. We are in close quarters around here, so spend all of our waking moments together, so i needed some solitude today. It's been really interesting to notice where my energy goes, and to try and find a balance between giving all or nothing.
The labyrinth was an interesting experience,I wept deeply, as I did yesterday morning all through sadhana. It's grief I feel deeply and a path I have to keep walking, but the big picture is still there. I have defined myself by my burdens, tragedies, my "thing", the crazy..but I'm not my drama even though it is a part of me...as Yeats said, "life is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived" so maybe Rilke was right if I continue to be present with the questions I might accidentally live my way into the answers.
On Tuesday night we were all given mala beads, in a somewhat ceremonious fashion. The Great Hall was set up with great care and our cushions were all in a circle with candles in front of them, after chanting and prayers we were each given our beads along with our mantra which is Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya, which translates as Thy Will Be Done. We then went around our beads and recited our mantra - this is called japa. We then moved into a meditation in motion (prana moving you) which I felt awkward about at first and a desire to make it pretty, but I got over it once I closed my eyes, I moved into a headstand, and when i came out of it i realized my physical body appreciates more of a challenge, but my minds tendency is to slack. I had been feeling pretty frustrated with all of the chitter chatter coming from my inner critic,and was able to express that with the co listening exercise we did in pairs right after the meditation in motion. I was then able to take what i learned into Sadhana the next morning, which was self directed by the way, and really challenge myself to stay the cousre when I noticed my minds tendency to steer clear of my edge.
Greetings fellow Kripaluian!
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog when Googling some Kripalu stuff. I did the YTT exactly 5 years ago, starting today, in fact! I am hoping to transcribe all (or most) of my journal notes day to day as a tribute, beginning with a post tonight documenting my tear-and-snot-filled arrival at Kripalu.
I love what you've written so far; I wish I had a laptop back in 2006 instead of handwriting all these notes! What a pain to transcribe. I LOL'd at your comment about breakfast being silent b/c everyone is mad about not having coffee. :) I ended up paying the $1 or whatever it was to get coffee from the cafe every morning.